Re-directed

This quote has been so true for me, and I need to keep it at the front of my brain and continue to have faith in it for the next journey in my life.

This journey, as most of my journeys, is still unknown, a little scary, and filled with more questions than answers, but I am keeping an open mind.

I have been in corporate America for many years. I know how things go down when you have a regime change, so while I anticipated some shake up to occur due to a recent change, I hadn’t really expected to be hearing these words that were said to me last week. “Due to the company reorganization, your current position is being relocated to the corporate office. We value you and would like you to stay with us in your position, however, you must relocate in order to keep it”

BAM! I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut…really... hard...

My stomach churned, my pulse raced, and my face felt like it was on fire. I worked hard to maintain my composure, stay professional, and keep a poker face while I listened to their offer. Sadly, an offer I could not accept. I couldn’t just move away from my family, my home and my life, but what would happen if I didn’t accept it?

They went on to explain that if I didn’t accept the offer to relocate, I would be offered a severance package.

Wait… what??!!

A severance package? Me?

Yep, me.

So I sat and listened as much as I could under the circumstances, to the details of my severance package. My stomach churned even harder and threatened to retaliate against me. Oh, how I cursed my nervous gut!

I would get a package sent to my home the next day with all of the details and documents that were discussed in the meeting. 

I took notes as fast and as legible as I could, while trying to comprehend all that they were saying. When they were done talking, they asked me if I had any questions, to which I quietly replied “No, not at this time”

I thought to myself, you just gave me life changing news, and you seriously think that I can come up with a clear thought?

I then gathered my composure and my things and quietly slipped out of a company that I had worked at for over 23 years. I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone as there were others that they were going to talk to, and they didn’t want me to tip anyone off. I wanted to be sad for whoever else that this was going to happen to, but could only focus on my own news.

The drive home was agonizing and a little surreal. What was I going to say to my family? Had I made a rash decision not to accept the company paid relocation offer without consulting them first? Surely they wouldn’t want me to move, but still, this was a big decision to make without hearing them out.

Ugh, what did I just do?

Finally home, I was numb, except for my gut which was still feeling the nerves.

Okay, what’s next? I finally got the courage to tell my husband, who at first was in disbelief, and then, encouraging to me. We would talk about it more when he got home from work, so I sat alone in a quiet house wondering again; what’s next, why me, what if, and all of the other what’s and whys that could possibly enter a mind when you get that kind of news.

With the never-ending thoughts consuming me, I decided to run my weekly errands. After all, I wasn’t working, so I might as well get that done, plus, I was hoping that the distraction would give my overloaded mind a break. Getting out did help with that, but it didn’t keep the tears from stinging my eyes every time I relived that meeting.

I tried to see the positive in it, and told myself that everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that, and wanted to be optimistic about what might be next for me. I reminded myself that this was better than being told that someone I loved was no longer around. That actually helped me to put it into perspective in my strong moments, but I still struggled in my weak ones.

Corporate America was good to me, and this was going to be a change. Not that I ever made my job my identity, but it helped me to make a nice living and this was a good company to work for.

The package was delivered as promised the next day. I read and reread it trying to comprehend it all. It was hard, to say the least, and it took a couple of days to really understand that their offer was very generous. It would give me the financial security needed while I figured out next steps, so I felt blessed for that.

Next couple of days brought a lot of soul searching and discussions with my family and closest friends. “It will be okay”, I reassured them, as I was secretly reassuring myself, not really sure if I was believing it. Luckily, no one thought that I had made the wrong decision in turning down the relocation offer and agreed with my reasons for doing so.

So, here it is a week later. I sit at my computer writing this with many feelings and thoughts going on in my body and mind. I still don’t know where I am going, or where I will end up, but I do know that if the future is anything like the past, then I must believe and reiterate this:

“As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.”

I am hopeful.