Sick to my stomach.
That is the only way that I know how to describe how I feel right now. My cat Kiki has been in failing health for a while now and the time has come that I have to let her go.
This is one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever had to make in my life. I know the logical side of it. She is blind, deaf, incontinent, confused and losing weight, so I know that the humane thing to do is give her back to God, but she still purrs when I hold her, and she still tries to eat, so the little girl in me that has tried to save every animal that has come my way, still thinks that maybe I can save her too.
I know that it must not be a fun existence for her just sleeping and wandering around trying to find her food, litter box and me, but she seems so content when I do hold her and that is the part that is tearing me up.
I know that there is no chance of her getting better as she is over 18 years old, but who am I to play God and decide when her last day on this earth should be?
I know that she had a great, long life, and that in human years, she would be 126, but who is going to sit on my lap and purr so sweetly when she is gone?
I have talked to God and Kiki about this, and don’t feel any better about my decision, but I know that my heart is speaking louder than the logical side on my brain which is probably why I am not getting any real peace about this.
So, in these last couple of hours, I try to keep busy, and I hold her as much as I can. I know that she must still feel how much I love her and how much she has meant to me for all of these years.
I thank God for giving her to me for this time, and I reluctantly now give her back to him.
So, Kiki, until I see you again, I will miss you desperately, but I know that God will take good care of you!