Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Men are like dogs, and Women are like cats

If there was ever any doubt about how much men are like dogs, and women are like cats, let me point out a few scenarios, and I think you will soon erase any doubts you still might have.

  1. Eating- Put food, just about any food in front of a dog, and before they even know what it is that they are eating, it’s gone in about one large gulp, and then, when they are finished with that, they look up at you as if to say “okay, that’s done, what’s next?”. Men, same thing. They don’t really care what it is that they are eating, as long as they are eating something. Now, put food in front of a cat and first they have to inspect it, smell it, sample it, nibble at it, and then and only then, will they proceed to begin to eat it, while leaving the less desirable pieces on the floor around their dish. If they still turn their noses up at the food, it’s because you forgot that they no longer like this type of food. Jeesh, how could you forget this? Women, same thing, dissecting everything that is on their plate, pulling off the tiniest of burnt pieces, and traces of any undesirable fat, all while expecting everyone around them to remember that this week they are vegetarian. How could you have possibly forgotten that, just because last week they devoured an 8 ounce steak in record time!
  2. Bathing- Cats meticulously, and multiple times a day, groom, smooth and primp themselves until everything is perfect, taking minutes and sometimes what seems like hours to accomplish. Watch a woman in a bathroom getting ready and it’s pretty much the same process. Dogs sloppily give about 3 to 4 good licks to certain areas of their bodies, and well, that seems to be good enough. Men can get in and out of a shower, run their hands through their still wet hair, and be ready to go in 5 minutes or less.
  3. Mother Nature’s calls- Cats can only “go” when they are fully hidden in their very well “scented to hide the odors” litter boxes, and God forbid you walk in on them doing their duty! Once they are done, they carefully cover their scent, check and double check to ensure that any odor is no longer detectable, and then quickly exit the litter box. If they are caught leaving the litter box, and I think If they could talk, they would probably blame any unpleasant odor on the next cat (or dog) that might have used the same box. Women, with all of their “hide the odor” scented candles and sprays need to use a bathroom in the most remote part of the house, and hate having to go in public places where they may be seen or heard, so it is imperative that they have their own stall, much like a private litter box, and will exit a bathroom with ninja like quickness once they are done. Dogs on the other hand have no problem “going” out in any given yard in front of God and anyone, and when they are done, not only do they turn to see what they have done, but will sometimes even smell what they have done. They own it and are proud of it. Men too will lay claim to smells and sounds that may or may not have been emitted from their own bodies. They will use public restrooms with no problem, and will even stand next to each other holding conversations, (among other things) with just a small wall in between them.
  4. Napping- Cats curl up in nice snug balls to take their naps. Not many sounds come from them while they are sleeping. When they awaken, they simply stretch and get up. Women also like to curl up with a blanket to take their naps and awaken slowly and quietly. Dogs will lie anywhere, with everything hanging out, mouths open, drooling, and sometimes snoring. Then they awaken with a snort, scratch anything that itches, and get up. Men, well, need I explain here?
  5. Waiting for their loved ones- Cats may wait for their loved ones to return, but will usually greet you coolly, giving the impression that they may or may not have missed you, doesn’t really matter to them either way. They may rub up against your leg, purr a soft purr, and then go back to doing whatever it was that they were doing before you came in. Women, well, pretty much the same. Dogs come charging towards the first sound of you, barking excitedly to see and welcome you home. They didn’t think that you were ever coming back and they are so grateful that you are there, and oh, by the way, can you please get them something to eat as they are starving!? Men, umm, yep.
  6. Training and motivation- While most don’t think that cats are trainable, I am here to say that some are, however, while dogs are more easily trained, cats can also be trained, it’s just that the motivation for the reward is different in cats and dogs. Dogs can be trained by rewarding them with praise and treats when they follow a command successfully. Men, well, yeah, you too. Cats on the other hand, are not quite as motivated to be trained by being rewarded with something as simple as a treat, but give them the praise to make them think that they are far superior and smarter than the dog, and you will see them fetching and playing dead with the best of the dogs. Women, you should be able to recognize yourself in that. Just saying...
  7. Making mistakes and getting into trouble- When a dog does something wrong, such as dig up your flowers, or eat a shoe, and after they have been scolded, they will follow you around just to make sure that you still love them, will feed them, and will not make them stay outside all night. That is how they apologize. Men… see this connection here, right? When cats make a mistake such as, well, cats will never openly admit to making a mistake, so how can they be reprimanded, and if you do reprimand them, they will go on as if they didn’t do anything wrong anyway, and how dare you accuse them of shredding the toilet paper, it was probably the stupid dog that did it. Women, come on, this is so true.
  8. Retaliation- This is the one category that cats, dogs, men and women all appear to act the same. All destroy things of the being that accused them of the crime or made them upset. Dogs will destroy a couch in a matter of minutes for something as small as running out of their favorite treats. Cats will relieve themselves on your bed so that you remember never to leave them out all night ever again. Men and women, well, they have many ways to destroy things of someone that has wronged them, but you should get the picture by now.
  9. Mating Rituals-Now here is an area where cats and dogs are pretty much the same, and I think that most men would probably like it if women were more like the animals as well.

So there you have it. Some really compelling scenarios that should erase any doubts you may have had about men and women right? And, I could probably come up with some more examples, but, I see a warm sun ray just begging me to curl up and take a nap in.



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  4. Lol, I hope nobody takes this too seriously.