Sick to my stomach.
That is the only way that I know how to describe
how I feel right now. My cat Kiki has been in failing health for a while now
and the time has come that I have to let her go.
This is one of the most difficult decisions that I
have ever had to make in my life. I know the logical side of it. She is blind,
deaf, incontinent, confused and losing weight, so I know that the humane thing
to do is give her back to God, but she still purrs when I hold her, and she
still tries to eat, so the little girl in me that has tried to save every
animal that has come my way, still thinks that maybe I can save her too.
I know that it must not be a fun existence for
her just sleeping and wandering around trying to find her food, litter box and
me, but she seems so content when I do hold her and that is the part that is
tearing me up.
I know that there is no chance of her getting
better as she is over 18 years old, but who am I to play God and decide when
her last day on this earth should be?
I know that she had a great, long life, and that
in human years, she would be 126, but who is going to sit on my lap and purr so
sweetly when she is gone?
I have talked to God and Kiki about this, and don’t
feel any better about my decision, but I know that my heart is speaking louder
than the logical side on my brain which is probably why I am not getting any
real peace about this.
So, in these last couple of hours, I try to keep
busy, and I hold her as much as I can. I know that she must still feel how much
I love her and how much she has meant to me for all of these years.
I thank God for giving her to me for this time,
and I reluctantly now give her back to him.
So, Kiki, until I see you again, I will miss you desperately,
but I know that God will take good care of you!
